


This Ava

by PW14



Series: Avalance 2.0 [4]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: AvaLance, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 02:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17572619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PW14/pseuds/PW14
Summary: Sara has a bad mission and needs Ava. Ava tries to comfort Sara, but things don't turn out as expected.





	This Ava

**Author's Note:**

> I don't follow Arrow, so please don't get hung up on those details. Thanks

Sara steps out of a portal in the hall outside of Ava’s bedroom so the whooshing sounds do not wake her girlfriend. She carefully opens the bedroom door to a still sleeping Ava. She slips off her house shoes as the glow of the moon highlights Ava in bed. 

She slides in next to Ava, careful not to wake her. Sara reaches to brush away fallen hair in Ava’s face. Fingers ghost down the bare skin of Ava’s back and Sara can’t help but think: how beautiful, how wonderful, how incredible this woman is. That with everything that she has done, someone as good as Ava can love her. Sara joins her lips with Ava’s, lingering longer than planned. When she pulls away, Ava stirs a little, mumbling, “Mm that was nice.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Sara apologizes. 

“No,” Ava wraps an arm around Sara. “Never apologize for kissing me.” Sara sighs giving into Ava’s pull around her body. “So what’s got you sneaking into my bed at,” Ava cranes her neck to read her bedside clock. “3:15 in the morning? Not that I mind,” Ava says lightly placing a kiss to the top of Sara’s head.

“Nothing,” Sara dismisses, hugging Ava closer to her.

“Come on babe, talk to me,” Ava lulls.

There was hesitation, “The mission didn’t go as planned,” Sara informs quietly.

Ava immediately pulls away examining Sara’s body, “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Everyone—the team is fine.” Sara tries. 

Brushing a strain of hair away from her girlfriend’s eyes, “Sara, what happened?”

Sara didn’t know if it was the way Ava spoke her name, or the way the moon enhanced the worry in her eyes, or the innocence’s in her voice. Sara tells her. Tells her how when Constantine was vanquishing the fugitive, his wife came running in and saw the whole thing. Tells her how the wife begged them to stop—sobbed. Tells Ava how the wife grabbed her after and called her a murderer and a monster. Tells her how the wife asked how she could do that—kill someone so easily. 

Ava takes her hand from Sara’s and brings it to gently rest on her girlfriend’s chest. Pressing lightly, “Babe, you are not a monster.”

Sara stays quiet, a smile tugging at her lips. She takes Ava’s hand in hers and brings it to meet her lips. They brush against Ava’s skin. Sara sits up adjusting herself to fully look at Ava while still holding onto her hand. “That’s not what has me upset.” Sara looks at Ava, quiet and listening so that Sara can take the time she needs. “That got me thinking about you, about us.” Sara’s eyes drift, but her hold on Ava’s hand gets stronger. “What I would do if I ever lost you. I—I have lost a lot of people in my life, but I cannot lose you.” Sara’s voice is vulnerable, and Ava knows without being able to see her eyes, that water is filling them. “I can’t even imagine my life without you in it—I don’t want to.” Sara chooses this moment to look up at Ava and her icy blues pierce Ava’s heart. “I won’t go back to who I was before you.”

Sara is immediately wrapped tightly in Ava’s arms, “No, Sara. Baby stop. Please just stop.” Ava lets Sara loose to cup her face and tears are streaming down her freckled face. Wiping a tear away, Ava begs, “Baby, please stop. I don’t want you to think like that.” She guides Sara’s head closer, whispering, “Come here.” While placing soft kisses to the areas that tears covered only moments ago. Ava 

Forehead to forehead, Sara shakes her head, “I’m sorry. I—I just, after everything that has happened in the past year, it…I guess I’m just scared.”

Ava brushes a fallen strain of hair from Sara’s face, “That’s okay, Sara. But I’m here. You are here. Nothing is going to happen-

Sara pulls away, straightening, “Ava, you can’t sit here and promise me that nothing is going to happened to you. It’s not fair.” 

Ava looks into Sara’s pale blue eyes—eyes that are destroying her tonight—and she knows that Sara is right, she can’t make that promise. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” Ava reaches for Sara’s hand and watches as she intertwines their fingers, “I can’t make that promise. But I can promise you that I will never give up to make it home to you. Even if there is no hope, I will try my hardest to come back to you.” 

A loving smile forms on Sara’s face before she joins her lips with Ava’s. “I like that,” Sara breaths between kisses. When their lips break apart, Sara looks into Ava’s eyes and finally, a lightness has made it back to them. “And I promise that I will never give up. I will try my hardest to come back home to you…because I have so much to live for.” 

“Come here,” Ava hums pulling Sara down with her to bed. 

The two lovers lay quietly in the moonlit room while Ava runs a hand through Sara’s hair, “You know, if something does ever happen to me, you can always get an upgrade.”

Sara’s eyes immediately shoot open. She raises her head, confusion all over it, “What?”

Ava’s face is emotionless, “I’m just saying that you could get a new Ava—an upgrade.” Sara can’t read Ava’s face but it doesn’t matter—the words have been said. The words have already plagued her thoughts. The words have already ignited her anger. The words have already furthered her worries. The words have already broken her heart. “Maybe one that will actually let you eat dinner on their couch, in front of the TV,” Ava voices oblivious to the hurt these words are causing Sara. 

Sara doesn’t say anything, she quietly removes the covers and slides away from the comfort of her lover’s embrace—her safe spot. “What’s wrong?” Ava asks, eyes following the back side of Sara. 

An answer is not given.

Sara finally looks back at Ava. Ava: the one person who wasn’t supposed to hurt her like this, the one who held Sara when the world was too much for her, the one who protected Sara from feeling like this. “H—how can you say that to me?” Hurt takes over Sara’s voice. Her eyes search for some type of emotion from Ava. Regret, a slip up, guilt—anything except what Ava was revealing. Confusion. 

“I-“

“Forget it,” Sara interrupts not caring about her tone.

“Sara,” Ava tries again as she attempts to get up.

“No. I—I need some space.” She doesn’t reach for her robe; she doesn’t attempt to put on her house shoes, she just walks out of Ava’s room, leaving Ava alone in her bed. 

“Sara,” Ava yells from her bed. “Sara,” Ava calls again. Hurt more and more evident in her voice. And then Sara gives Ava an answer—the slam of the door as she walks out. Ava runs downstairs, “Sara.” Pleading that she didn’t hear right. That Sara is downstairs mad—she will take mad as long as she is still here. Empty. Ava opens her front door and comes face to face with Sara’s goodbye; snowy footprints leading down her stairs to the sidewalk. Away from her.

Sara had no set destination in mind, just that she had to get out of that apartment. She heard Ava calling for her but she couldn’t face her. Not like this—not when she was this upset with her. All Sara could think about was how Ava could say that to her. How she—Ava—could hurt her like that, and not even notice her words. How could Ava not see everything that she had done for her? Sara never really thought she was meant for love, but now, after everything that Ava has opened her up to, everything that Ava has shown her, she believes that she is. Ava did that. Why can she not see this—how much she needs her? How Ava has shut out the darkness that Sara had convinced herself that she was destined for. Sara didn’t know how long she had walked around Ava’s block but the cold D.C. morning was getting to her. She wraps the borrowed coat tighter around her small frame and the smell of Ava is intoxicating. The warmth of the oversized coat felt as though Ava was wrapping her own arms around her. And she wasn’t angry anymore. She was…comforted. Comforted by Ava surrounding her. Comforted because she knew Ava loved her and that it wasn’t her intention to hurt her. Comforted by the promises they had made to each other: never giving up—to always try and come back home, being open, continue to evolve their relationship, to never… “Shit! No!” Sara turns back in the other direction and runs. Runs like she has never ran before. She doesn’t care that it’s snowing, or that she is in Ava’s too big of shoes. She’s running. She missed up. She broke a promise. She’s running because she walked out. She left. 

Ava stares out her living room window with a blanket wrapped around her body. Watching the snowflakes cover the sidewalks and roads of her neighborhood. She looks for the tracks Sara made, but they have long been covered. She knows it’s a beautiful scene, but she can’t see it. She can’t see the beauty through the mess she has made. How is she supposed to see beauty when all she can see is the hurt in Sara’s eyes before she left? Hurt that she caused. Hurt that should have never been there. Not in those beautiful eyes that have already witnessed so much. Ava bows her head into her hands, too ashamed for the world to see her. She was the one who Sara was supposed to come to when life got too hard, but how can she be that person for Sara if she is the one hurting her? How can Sara ever feel protected in her arms when she is the one pushing her out? 

Ava looks back out onto the street and is met with icy blue eyes starring right back at her. She could see Sara’s breath in the cold of morning as her chest rises and falls rapidly. The scene is beautiful. But as soon as Sara was there, she’s gone. 

The door unlocks, rumbles from the front hall can be heard and then walks in Sara. No socks, sleep pants, and a t-shirt with snow mixed into her hair. No words are spoken, just quiet stares from red eyes. Ava lets out a breath of relief and Sara closes the gap. Arms wrap around the other and the faint scent of Ava’s coat has nothing on the real thing. They pull away, but their lips connect, tentatively, unsure of themselves. Unsure of where they stand. 

Ava takes the blanket from her body and drapes it over Sara’s shoulders and grabs a hand to guide her to the couch near her fireplace. 

“I’m sorry,” Sara voice is low. She looks up at Ava, “I’m so sorry. I should have never walked out on you.” Her voice more confident. Ava nods slightly with down casted eyes. “But Ava,” hurt replaces her confidence, “You hurt me.” 

“I know,” Ava softly agrees, her grip tightens on Sara’s hand. “I know I did.” 

“Did you mean it?” 

Hesitating, Ava shakes her head, “I—I don’t know.” And she didn’t. 

Sara is still, watching Ava. She isn’t mad. How could she be? She knows Ava isn’t intentionally trying to hurt her. She is just being honest. She is being open. She is being everything that they promised they would be. Sara knows that she will never be able to truly understand what Ava feels. The only thing she can do is remind Ava how much she loves her, and that’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world to Sara. 

“You don’t get it do you, Ava?” Sara speaks incredulously. 

Ava looks at Sara, unsure on what exactly she is asking.

The edges of Sara’s mouth rise that lifts her whole body, “Ava, I wouldn’t love the 13th Ava. I wouldn’t have loved the 11th. I only love you. Just you. This Ava.” Sara’s hand falls from cupping Ava’s cheek as she softly speaks, “And I.” She watches as her hand toys with Ava’s, giving her time to build up to what she is about to confess. “I’ve never told you this,” She looks up to meet Ava’s eyes and she is met with gentle, loving eyes that gives her the courage to continue. “After the Lazarus Pit, I really never felt much in the terms of feelings. After everything that I had done—running away with my sister’s boyfriend, taking the lives of fathers, sons and brothers—I just figured that it wasn’t meant for me. That I wasn’t meant to find love or be loved. And coming back to this loveless life was my sentence—and I accepted it.” A tear rolls down Ava’s face and she doesn’t move to wipe it away. Sara reaches up, gently wiping the tear away with her thumb. “Until you,” Sara smiles hoping Ava would join, but she doesn’t—she leans her face into Sara’s palm and kisses it softly. “Ava, baby, you saved me. You loved me when I couldn’t see past my mistakes. Your love is what has turned my darkness into light. Don’t you see, baby? It’s you.” Sara untwines their hands and places them on her chest like Ava has done so many times. “Don’t you feel that? That’s all because you of. This you. Only you.” 

A cry escapes Ava’s mouth before she can cover Sara’s lips. The kiss was slow and full of love. Full of everything that Ava could not find the words for. They pull away and rest their foreheads together. Ava tries to sniff her tears away, but Sara reaches up and gently brushes them away. Sara places a soft kiss to Ava’s forehead, lips lingering moments after breathing in the scent that comforts her—because she is going to need it for what she is about to say. 

“Sara, what’s wrong?” Ava questions.

Sara lets out a breath, “I know it’s wrong for me to feel this way, but I’m still so mad at Rip.” She looks up at Ava, “I’m mad at him for implanting false memories in your head, hiring actors to be your parents and lying about all of it to you. Because I know how badly it hurts you to know that it was all a lie. That there were other Ava’s before you. And…and this is selfish,” Sara bows her head not wanting to continue.

“Hey,” Ava scoots closer to Sara, lifting a hand to her cheek so she can look Sara in the eyes and know that Sara understands that she is here. “It’s okay,” Ava reassures. 

With one look from those eyes, Sara continues, “I’m sorry, I know this is selfish—but selfishly, baby, I’m so happy he did.” She cups Ava’s face and inches closer. “I’m so happy that you are you. That you are this version. No other Ava could have saved me. Just you. Just you, baby.” Ava shuts her eyes and tears stream down. Sara wipes them away and places loving kisses to where they left a water trail. 

Ava’s face is impassive and Sara doesn’t know what to do or say. “Baby, please say something. Anything, please,” Sara begs, still inches from her face.

“I didn’t choose this life,” Ava speaks gently as she opens her eyes. “I don’t have real parents or a family. I didn’t really go to Stanford. I didn’t choose to work for the Time Bureau.” Ava takes Sara’s hands from her face and holds them in her lap. “The only choice that I ever solely got to make, was you. You are the only true thing in my life. And until now, it hurt like hell that this was my life. That someday you would leave me because I’m not whole. Or you could love another version of Ava more.” Sara unknowingly begins to shake her head as she hears the words coming from Ava’s mouth. “But now, now I thank Rip for giving me this life. I don’t need childhood memories, or academic achievements, or family—because I have you. And the life that we create together, is the only life that I will ever need.” A smile begins to form on Sara’s face. “And I would choose every day to be a clone if it meant that I got you. If living this life means that you don’t have to live with the darkness and know how much you deserve to be loved—I will gladly take it. Everyday.” 

Sara doesn’t have any words. Nothing that can truly express what she is feeling, so she closes the gap and kisses Ava. Kisses her with everything she has. Every ounce of love, gratitude, desire she has in her body for Ava Sharpe is shown in this kiss. 

After one last chaste kiss, Ava lets go of Sara’s lips, brushing away hair that had fallen from Sara’s face, “Do you remember when I tracked you all down in Vancouver 2213 and that one Ava told the others that I wasn’t one of them, that I was different?”

Sara nods.

Glowing, Ava speaks, “Well she was right. I am different. I am different because of you. You think that I brought lightness into your life—it’s all from you. You taught me how to love. How to truly, unapologetically, unashamedly love someone. It’s all because of you.” 

Ava’s hand slides around the back of Sara’s neck as she pulls Sara in, as Ava closes her eyes, Sara takes her hand and pulls Ava to her feet. “Where are we going?” Ava whines.

Sara shifts their bodies to where they are inches apart. “I’m taking you to bed.” She glances down to Ava’s full lips and then back, “So I can properly show you how much I love you, because there are no words to express how I feel.”


End file.
